'My Sister-In-Law Blamed My Body For My Miscarriage'

Imagine suffering through miscarriage after years of infertility, only to have a family member lay the blame on your body. For this woman, it sparked a heated argument with her sister-in-law, and not everyone has taken her side.

The 31-year-old says she’s never had a close relationship with her sister-in-law Valerie, but they are on ‘ok’ terms most of the time.

“That is until she started making comments about my physical health,” the woman explained on reddit. “She always points out how thin and small my figure is (I’ve always been like this). Especially my flat chest or non-existent butt.

“In comparison, she is blessed in those areas. She cares so much about her appearance and most of her time and money is spent on that. Anyways I try to always take it easy and not get offended since she’s just making ‘observations’.”

The woman recently discovered she was pregnant after three years of trying and says her entire family was thrilled for her and her husband. But the joy was short-lived, after she suffered a ‘devastating’ miscarriage.

“My mother-in-law invited me for dinner last night as a way to cheer me up. Valerie and my brother-in-law were there too. We were talking during dinner and Valerie brought up my miscarriage. She flat out said that the miscarriage happened because of my body and ‘my small and limited potential it has to be able to carry a baby’.

“Not going to lie, this shook me hard.”

“My husband looked at me hoping I’d let it go but I looked at Valerie from head to toe then pointed at her chest and said, ‘Oh I see that’s where all your brains and class melted to’. She was stunned eyes wide open.

“BIL got involved saying this was not cool but I argued that she made a jab at my body and basically blamed it for the miscarriage. We all started arguing but my husband sat there quietly watching. I got up, gathered my stuff and told him I wanted to go home.

“He was quiet the whole ride home but scolded me hours later saying what I said was totally mean and out of line and his SIL was just making “an observation”. He told to call her up and apologise for what I said since she and his brother are upset but I declined.

“I think maybe I shouldn’t have said this and ruined dinner that was set up for me. Am I the a**hole?”

Let us know what you think in the comments below.

We may get commissions for purchases made using links in this post. Learn more.

49 Comments

- - BellaB said
  - 19 May 2024
    6:36 pm
This was both cruel and thoughtless.

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 20 Jun 2023
    8:48 pm
It’s not fair for other to judge and blame others for things like that

- - BellaB said
  - 31 Dec 2022
    11:45 pm
People really say the most atrocious things when you lose a child.

- - mom461384 said
  - 09 Nov 2022
    10:10 am
That was not okay for her to say. It is not your fault, I hope you can get some further medical clarity to prove that to you

- - mom101628 said
  - 31 Oct 2022
    11:18 pm
I do hope that things have calmed down somewhat in your house. Insensitive people are very often hurtful, and I feel for the rejection you felt from your husband. But that is where the repairing has to start for your future happiness, especially if you still want to try for a child. Good luck to you and keep smiling a secret smile – it will get everyone wondering!

- - Jessica said
  - 25 Oct 2022
    9:03 pm
What a horrible thing for the SIL to say! And that the husband backed up his sister!

- - mom109199 said
  - 13 Oct 2022
    11:48 am
That is the most terrible thing I have ever heard. As someone who struggled to conceive for a long time it is devastating to miscarry. Her SIL was totally insensitive and her husband should have stood up for her.

- - mom93624 said
  - 09 Oct 2022
    6:15 pm
At a time when your in grief is was insensitive and your husband could have been more supportive

- - mom223151 said
  - 09 Oct 2022
    2:23 pm
So cruel indeed. Losing a child is bad enough as one’s emotions are tested and then get snide remarks is devastating. She needs to focus on her well-being and not focus on other’s opinions.
Good Luck to her.

- - mom485263 said
  - 07 Oct 2022
    10:33 pm
I’m sorry that you had those horrible things said to you and that your husband didn’t back you up. Sorry that you lost your babu and hopefully, when you are ready you have a rainbow baby soon.

- - cassy26 said
  - 07 Oct 2022
    11:46 am
No, you’re definitely not an a#@hole. Your SIL was waaaay out of line and you had every right to be upset and angry. Your family should be supporting you and helping you through the grieving process, not attacking you with uneducated crap. Your husband especially should have been the first person to come to your defence… This makes me so angry.

- - RonnieDe said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    10:08 pm
Oh my, how nasty of your SIL, and then the BIL nosed right in. I feel sorry that your husband also blamed you for the evening problems and told you to apologise to the others, like seriously!. How inconsiderate are they all. Sorry for the loss of your bub.

- - BellaB said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    6:45 pm
Nopety nope. SIL is definitely way out of line (not to mention wrong), and I am just appalled that her husband didn’t defend or support her.
- Ellen replied
  
  07 Oct 2022 , 8:47 am
  Yes, I can imagine that would be the most hurtful here that husband didn’t stand beside her in this !
- - rovermum said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    4:14 pm
Awww, you poor thing. How dare she say anything like that to you about your miscarriage or body. How selfish and uncaring. And your BIL – what an a-hole. And your husband. Where is the support for what you have gone through? I’m so shocked. Please take the time to grieve and be kind to yourself even if it means removing yourself from situations and people in the future.

- - mom486400 said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    3:37 pm
To be honest I’m the most angriest at the husband. I really feel like he failed his wife firstly he just sat there, secondly he told her off and lastly he called to apologise.

- - Mad Bean said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    3:36 pm
Those in-laws are horrible. And that sister in-law should be slapped in the face. How dare she say that. And how dare that poor girl’s husband take her side.

- - Mom466555 said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    3:16 pm
It saddens me people think they can comment on people’s appearances but especially after such a difficult time

- - mum300445 said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    3:03 pm
How horrible. And to not have the support from her husband either. No one should comment on someone’s ability to carry a baby unless they are a doctor. There are a million reasons why she had a miscarriage. And nothing to say it had anything to do with her body. What a hurtful and mean person her SIL is.

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    3:00 pm
The sister in law is just a nasty and mean person. And her husband really should have stood up for her and backed her up instead of asking her to apologise- what a slap in the face!

- - mom314824 said
  - 06 Oct 2022
    1:55 pm
I’m so sorry you suffered a miscarriage and then had to listen to people give their unasked for and hurtful opinions. Also sorry your husband didn’t stick up for you.
I hope you get your longed for baby and have some lovely supportive friends to share your joy.