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Most new parents work out a balance so that they each get downtime to help rest and recover from the demands of a baby – but what happens when one parent thinks the arrangement isn’t fair?

A new dad says he and his wife have an arrangement to share baby duty on the weekends, but recently his wife has asked for an extra hour of sleep, to compensate for their daughter’s sleep regression.

“My wife and I have a six month old baby girl,” he explained on reddit. “She’s mostly a stay at home mum, she works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby. I work full time and go to school one day a week. We’ve always had an arrangement where she takes care of the household duties (cooking, cleaning, and now baby care) while I happily support her monetarily. Honestly, we are both living our dream life and my wife does an absolutely spectacular job taking care of me and our little one.

“On the weekends, we share baby duty. We usually make sure each of us gets our own alone time to do whatever we want. However, our girl has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours–since my wife breast feeds, she’s always taken care of the baby full time overnight.

“She’s a light sleeper and unfortunately has insomnia, whereas I am a deep sleeper and wouldn’t wake up for baby cries anyways.”

Now here’s where things have become a little tricky. The new dad says his wife has asked for the chance to sleep in, to make up for the sleep she’s losing overnight. But he’s not keen to give up his video game time.

“Recently my wife has been asking me to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep. Baby wakes up around 7am. I get the baby dressed and take over for that hour.

“But sometimes, I want to be the one that gets to sleep in an extra hour. I brought this up to her and she says while she’s happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour because she can’t nap like I can. We got into an argument about it, and she said I’m being very insensitive when I know she is very exhausted and can’t nap during the day and she struggles going back to sleep every time the baby wakes up.

“But I’m exhausted too, work wears me out, and school days are long … and I sometimes want the hour in the morning. I don’t want to spend my off time napping, I want to play video games and chill out.

“I’ve gotten mixed opinions on who is in the wrong here, or if there even is anyone in the wrong.”

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below. 

  • I think the request of the wife Recently my wife for him to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep is very reasonable. Since she is breastfeeding through the night the lack of sleep is building up for her. I think the dad should remind himsellf this is not forever. There will come a time the baby sleeps through the night and he can return to his usual routine

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  • And do you want to have a happy marriage as well? If the answer is yes then it might be a good idea to sit down and think about how you can help to make your marriage happy. If you think you sleeping in and having your alone video time is how to fo it then you go right ahead.

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  • This won’t be forever. Eventually bub will sleep all night. Until then compromise maybe one gets one weekend or one day of the weekend. Gaming can wait yes I completely understand wanting to do what you want on your day off but with a young baby that’s not possible. Im a single mum so I didn’t have a partner to help out so I had to give up gaming until my daughter started sleeping through the night and even then I only had a couple hours at night. Sometimes as parents we have to give up the things we enjoy as our kids must come first

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  • Although I can sympathise a little – video games? When will dad grow up and be an adult parent?
    Both parents are sleep deprived for quite a while after a newborn is introduced to the house. And both parents have to give up what they once did because they now a living baby to take care of and guide through life. Sorry – but That’s life.

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  • I think the dad needs to grow up, he’s a whiner

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  • Let her sleep. It makes so much difference, especially as her sleep is always interrupted.

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  • I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here and it gets tough on everyone.
    Can Dad maybe play video games at night instead of first thing in the morning?
    It can be more draining than people realise for Mum to be getting up and down all through the night to attend to the baby. Breastfeeding can take a lot out of you and just because bubs goes back to sleep, doesn’t mean that Mum automatically does. I know I rarely did.

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  • Hard to sympathise with the Dad. It’s so the mum can function and be the best Mother she needs to be to care for him and the baby. Breast-feeding is hard and demanding. Video games is downtime, sleep is necessary.

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  • I was lucky enough to have my husband home for the first three months so we tag teamed but when he went back to work he was absolutely spent as a Paramedic so I let him sleep and catch up on his days off.

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  • Such a tricky situation. It takes a lot of compromise in the early months to figure out a situation that will work for and benefit everyone.

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  • I don’t think there is either a right or wrong in this scenario, only what works for the family.
    My husband works all week and plays sport but there are some weeks I need a little extra sleep and his okay with that. Parenting is a balancing act for both parents and while one thing might work this week it may not next. That goes for parents sleep as well as free time etc.

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  • The amount of extra work most mums do, they definitely need the extra hour of sleep in time

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  • Both parents will be tired, and if dads working full time whilst mum isn’t then I think a little extra sleep once a week is fine. I understand stay at home mums do a lot, but mum may get a chance to nap when baby does.

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  • I can understand where they’re both coming from but playing video games isn’t a priority. Maybe he should take over the cooking, cleaning and caring for their baby for one day of the weekend and his wife does the same on the other day. They need to try a few different ways so they can work out what works best for them. Definitely give up the video games for a while.

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  • With frequent waking in the night I can imagine the wife is exhausted and I think her request is reasonable, certainly when he’s able to nap during the day and she can’t


    • Rest is important for the milk production too

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  • Sleep deprivation is awful and sleep for all needs to be a priority.


    • Yes, sleep is a primary need for our bodies to function

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  • I guess they could alternate each day or week in terms of getting to sleep in as then it will be even.
    It’s always hard but hopefully it doesn’t last too much longer and they can get back into their normal routine.

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  • The women does need some extra rest especially since she’s breast feeding. An extra hour won’t kill him.

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  • You need to remember this is only temporary and bubs will eventually sleep more again. Until then sleep is priority over video games….

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  • They both put up a good argument. They’re both entitled to me time. Mum has more time at home so maybe she shouldn’t be asking for a sleep in??? I’m not sure cos dad just wants to play games. I think I’ll leave it to them to sort out

    Reply

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