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August 2, 2017

12 Comments

Normal? What’s normal anyway? “Babies are perfect to look at but they are never perfect in their behaviour and not one baby is the same. ‘Normal’ is wildly broad.”

As Adele learns to juggle being a mum of two she has discovered what might be a “normal baby” to you is totally different to anyone elses “normal”.

Adele shares, “I was thinking about how lucky we are that Chloe is an easy newborn. She is sleeping really well, has great health and is all round a pretty settled, content baby. But then I wondered, is it more me, than her?

I have talked about succumbing to the adjustment of parenthood before. I won’t rave on about it again but need to explain before I tell a little story. I believe that new parents should have faith in the way they choose to parent and have confidence to go with their gut and believe in the choices they make for their family.

I didn’t do this the first time round. I wasn’t a confident parent in the beginning and wasted a lot of time researching, comparing, worrying and very confused about what was normal in the behaviour of my new born.

I also spent a lot of time trying to ‘fix’ my baby rather than chilling the hell out. I spent a lot of time revolving around routine and concentrating on getting it ‘right’ rather than realising I would fuck up here and there and there is no such thing as perfect parenting. Or perfect babies, for that matter. Despite what is portrayed on social media a lot of the time.

Anyway, my approach this time has been the opposite but I was rattled the other day. Remember, I’m not a health professional and my blog only ever speak about my thoughts and my experiences.

I walked in to a recent appointment for Chloe, feeling like I was nailing it. My baby was thriving. Wet nappies, weight gaining rapidly, feeding like a trooper, doing 5 hour sleep stints at night. I had an all new attitude this time around and I felt like I knew a thing or two now. High fives all round.

The appointment confirmed Chloe was thriving but at the end, it was pointed out to me that something may not have been ‘right’ with Chloe. Instant fear. I had walked into the appointment a confident mother and walked out worrying. I was pissed off. And against my better judgement, I fell back into worry and doubt.

I spent hours researching. I was looking for ways to fix my perfectly normal baby! And then I paid $180 to go to a specialist in that field, only to be told she was perfectly fine. Time and money spent for no good reason.

Now, I’m not going to go into more detail but I am learning more and more about NORMAL.

Babies will have wind, will cry and won’t want to be in their bassinet. They have come from a dark, muffled, warm, compact space of safeness and thrown into a bright, harsh, loud, cold world. They are learning to fart and poop. They do not know they are separate to you and will call for you when they sense danger. They are babies and it is normal. And I wish I had known to trust my gut first time around to know when something isn’t right and something is normal.

Babies are perfect to look at but they are never perfect in their behaviour and not one baby is the same. ‘Normal’ is wildly broad.

I have completely stopped trying to fix things and instead, smother Chloe with love and comfort as she adjusts her little body and mind to this big, big world.

I met a woman recently that said… ‘When you hear hoofbeats, don’t think of zebras’.

In other words. If you hear hooves behind you, don’t expect to see a zebra when you turn around. Chances are it’s a horse.

In other words, look for the simplest, most common explanation to a problem first. Only when that’s ruled out should you look for rarer, more complicated explanations.

This post originally appeared on Adele Barbaro- The Real Mumma, Facebook page and has been shared with permission.

You can read more from Adele on FACEBOOK or her blog www.therealmumma.com

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  • yeah raising a child has no guide and one size does not fit all lol. Babies all have their own little personalities and we have to learn them. Definately trust your instincts and try to take it moment by moment. Plus don’t forget to enjoy them while they are little because they will grow up too quickly!

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  • One good skill a Mum (and Dad) learn is the different cries. You recognise which is a “hungry” cry. The longer you let a hungry newborn cry the more likely they are likely to have “wind” as they are gulping in air. I wish I had noticed the different cries sooner.

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  • So true !
    Relax and dare to trust your instincts.

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  • How true – no baby is the same and neither is mum’s reaction to them.

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  • Every baby is different and every mum behaves differently for their first to the second child… quit with the pressure

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  • Maternal health nurses seem to take it as a challenge to bring down mothers who are coping well.

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  • Health professionals had me so stressed out with my first that I was bearly sleeping and probably on the verge of depression. I wanted to breastfeed and was in fact doing so quite well, but my baby wasn’t gaining the amount of weight that fit the ‘perfect’ scale. In the end I stopped taking her to be weighed and she was fine. Neither of my kids were big weight gainers but you know what? Now they are aged 4 and 2 and you wouldn’t even know that they had struggled.

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  • Good points and comments!

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  • Thanks you really great mum

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  • This is so honest but so real. Being a FTM I need to chill out sometimes too lol

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  • A very good point you put forward Adele.

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  • Very down to earth. Never let people tell you what your child should be doing. I was told my child was slow because they still clenched their fist… what a load of bs. Their bright and above their school averages in everything. I was pissed off at the time too.

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