Published 5th October 2011
Mother’s instinct is a funny thing. At home, we trust it without question. But put us in a hospital setting with an unwell child, surrounded by doctors, nurses and monitors, and suddenly we start doubting ourselves.
What if I’m overreacting?
What if I’ve got it wrong?
So we stay quiet, even when we know something just isn’t right with our child. I’ve been there myself – when my usually ‘tough’ son was doubled over with stomach pain. I was told in the emergency department that it probably wasn’t his appendix. But I knew he wouldn’t have begged me to take him to hospital unless it was serious. Because I know him better than anyone. Turns out, it was appendicitis.
It’s a really common place for parents to land. You’re grateful for the care your child is getting, but at the same time, you feel this huge responsibility to speak up if something doesn’t feel right.
Here’s the thing though: that instinct you’re feeling? It matters more than you might think.
According to Paediatric Nurse Unit Manager, Canterbury Hospital, Leticia Jackson, parents bring something to the hospital that no test or machine ever could.
“Parents often say they ‘just know’ when something isn’t quite right with their child, and in a hospital, that gut feeling is incredibly valuable,” she explains.
While medical teams rely on observations, tests and equipment, parents know the little details. The way your child usually smiles. How they react when they’re tired. What’s normal for them.
So when something feels “off”, even if everything looks okay on paper, it can actually be an early warning sign.
“When parents trust those instincts and speak up, this creates a powerful partnership that can sometimes catch a problem before it becomes an emergency,” Leticia says.
A lot of parents hesitate about advocating for their child.
You don’t want to come across as difficult. You don’t want to question the people caring for your child. And sometimes, you just don’t feel confident enough to push the issue.
Leticia gets it.
“It is completely understandable for parents to feel hesitant,” she says. “No one wants to be seen as difficult or to second-guess the hardworking people caring for their child.”
But here’s a helpful way to look at it: you’re not challenging the medical team, you’re helping them.
Parents are the constant. Staff change shifts, care for multiple patients, and rely on snapshots of information. You’re there the whole time, noticing the subtle changes.
“Our medical team doesn’t view a concerned parent as overreactive, but as a partner,” Leticia explains. “Your voice matters.”
Remember, we know our children better than anyone.
If you’re in a NSW public hospital or health service and you’re worried about you or your child’s condition getting worse, there is a clear process you can follow called Raise It.
Raise It is designed to help patients, carers and family members get help fast if they’re worried about a change in their loved one’s condition.
Here’s how it works:
You don’t need medical knowledge. You don’t need to be certain. If you feel something isn’t right, or your child is getting worse, Raise It. You just need to speak up.
Sometimes it’s not one big, obvious sign. It can be small, subtle changes that just don’t sit right.
Things like:
And sometimes, it’s just that gut feeling you can’t explain.
That’s enough.
If there’s one message Leticia wants parents to take away, it’s that you aren’t bothering the medical team, you’re helping them.
“In my years as a Nurse Unit Manager, I can say with absolute certainty that many critical changes in a child’s condition have been identified first by a parent. While our clinical staff are highly skilled at performing regular observations and interpreting data, parents are the only constant presence who truly know their child’s baseline behaviour, personality, and what is normal for them.
“I have seen numerous instances where a parent’s insistence that their child is “just not themselves” – despite vital signs appearing relatively stable – has prompted a deeper clinical review that uncovered everything from early signs of sepsis to a life-threatening respiratory crisis.”
The Raise It process exists because healthcare teams know how important parents are in keeping children safe.
“Speaking up doesn’t mean you don’t trust the team,” she says. “It means you’re partnering with us to make sure nothing gets missed.”
And if you’re still worried about being judged?
“Whether your concern turns out to be something or nothing, your instinct to raise it is always valid.”
Find out more, visit health.nsw.gov.au/raiseit
Mouths of Mums is proudly working with NSW Health to bring you this important article.
ReplyAs a parent of a child with cystic fibrosis, I’ve learned to trust my gut when something doesn’t feel right. We’ve had a few experiences where we’ve needed to go through different channels to raise concerns or frustrations with the hospital system to make sure our daughter got the care she needed. It’s great to see programs like this encouraging families to speak up, because parents often know when something isn’t quite right.
ReplyAs a parent of a child with cystic fibrosis, I’ve learned to trust my gut when something doesn’t feel right. We’ve had a few experiences where we’ve needed to go through different channels to raise concerns or frustrations with the hospital system to make sure our daughter got the care she needed. It’s great to see programs like this encouraging families to speak up, because parents often know when something isn’t quite right.
ReplyThis is so true from my experience over the years.
No matter how wonderful the medical team is, if you have any doubts speak up as a mother knows her child better than anyone.
ReplyYes and amen to this article ! I agree with always follow your gut, you know your child like no one else does. In fact you are your child’s expert and should never stop advocating for them or speaking up. Sometimes professionals are very good in waving concerns away, all it takes is a human who listens
ReplyEven as a healthcare professional, when I took my soon to the ED when I was concerned, I felt awkward about speaking up, worried I was making a big deal out of nothing (even though i would never tjink this about a patient’s family if the roles were reversed). The message in this article is so important. Always stick to your guns. Always speak up and advocate for your kids – they can’t do it for themselves.
ReplyAnd honestly, some medical staff are idiots. I vividly remember the night two doctors huddled over my son’s lung x-rays. I hadn’t been allowed to accompany him to have them taken as I was pregnant. They finally told me solemnly that they were preparing to do emergency surgery as there was something in his lungs – “we don’t know what it is, but it’s definitely man made”. I took one look at the x-rays and asked if they’d taken off the battery packs for his cochlear implants, which were pinned to the back of his shirt, before the x-ray. And of course they hadn’t, and of course that’s what appeared to be in his lungs. Honestly!
ReplyWe need more articles like this one. It is important for us to advocate for ourselves and our loved ones in any situation and work with professionals.
ReplyI have learned many times to always listen to your gut and speak up when you don’t think something is right. This article was a great read, our kids are our world and if we don’t feel they are getting the right help, and we feel it, we need to speak up.
ReplyYou should never second guess yourself when it comes to yours or your childs health- or anyones for that matter. Go with your thoughts. It is natural to want to protect a loved one especially when it comes to health situations, and the feeling you get when you think you didnt do enough to advocate or fight for them…it is not a kind or nice way to feel. Many people have ended up being heartbroken and picking up pieces for years because of feeling they didnt do enough.
ReplyA very good and informative article. I have read so many stories about mums just knowing when things are not right and demanding second and third opinions until they got the right answer. Sometimes mums just know. It is our job as care takers of our families. Listen to your gut!
ReplyYears ago, I spoke up for my 14-year-old daughter, but my concerns weren’t fully listened to. I’ve always wished I had pushed harder. She was sent home without much testing, and two days later, she passed away.
So, if you ever have concerns—no matter how minor—please speak up and keep advocating. Trust your instincts; they are there for a reason.
ReplyThis is so important for parents to know how to raise it further if they don’t think their child is receiving the medical support they need! I know this article refers to the NSW system but other systems have similar procedures just with different names. I know in QLD it’s called Ryan’s Rule.
ReplyIt’s so important to follow your gut instincts and express your concerns indeed. I have never hesitated to advocate for my children in various situations and I don’t care what other people think about it. Not all doctors and medical staff appreciate it when you question them, I’ve experienced that it may result in angry indignant responses.
ReplyHow true this is! While nurses and doctors are the medical professionals doing their job on the daily, we know our children better than anyone and what is ‘normal’ for them. I would always speak up if I had noticed any changes in my child’s health and encourage other parents to do so too. No question is silly!
ReplyThis really is such an important issue and a good topic to discuss with people, I am often surprised that people are worried about being judged. This is not something I care about; the priority is for the care and health of everyone is my family. Parents know their children and need to work with health professionals for the best outcomes for their children.
ReplyThis is such an important issue to raise, and no one should ever feel ashamed, nervous or that they are being OTT for advocating for their kids, themselves or loves ones in hospital. In QLD we have Ryan’s Rule. A three step process where your concern will be escalated if they believe the patients condition isn’t improving or is worsening.
ReplyI have never been afraid to advocate for my children and partner and extended family and also friends. It is so important to listen and to trust intuition. When people have not listened, I have persevered and kept on with insisting on care and making sure they truly listened and took action.
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Carman's Care Pack
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Carman's Clusters
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Carman's Clusters
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