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June 19, 2018

18 Comments

When I was pregnant with my first child, all I saw was blissful photos of mothers breastfeeding their newborns with such amazing bond looking contentment. I was excited for that.

It wasn’t a matter if I couldn’t breastfeed, the nurses told me EVERYONE can. I expected to be that same blissful mother, but I wasn’t.

My first wouldn’t latch, something I didn’t think would be a problem. I learned about tongue ties, something I didn’t know existed – all three babies have had them. I learned about thrush & the daggers it creates when you feed. Positions that creates flat nipples, bleeding nipples, cracked nipples. Pain that is worse than labour. Nipple shields, Night sweats.

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There’s spacing feeds at the right time, feeding on demand, Pumping to build supply, topping up with expressed milk & sometimes pumping & getting nothing at all. Worrying about nipple confusion, about weight loss or hearing the words “failure to thrive”.

Using formula because you just want your baby to be fed, happy and healthy. The sadness that all of it brings, the anxiety it all brings. The guilt & exhaustion.

It’s not easy. It’s not at all. It’s actually really tough. Physically & emotionally. It’s not something as simple as feeding your baby.

And you so so badly want to give your baby the best, you’re told everyone can do it, that it’s easy and a beautiful bonding moment, & when it’s not, you wonder, why am I failing? Why can’t it be easy? Why is this so hard?

Each child I thought I would be prepared but I never am. Your body does what it wants, your baby does what it wants.

I don’t have one nice breastfeeding selfie of those first few months. Never have. But i know it gets better. I’ve been there. I know all of these problems will be a distant memory, but this is my reality now, & it hurts.

So if you’re struggling know that It gets better. It’s a long tough road to walk through, it might work out and it might not. it might never be blissful, but the guilt subsides, you realise your happiness matters, you do whatever works best & your baby loves you regardless.

I know it & I know the dark cloud will lift but these days are hard & right now breastfeeding sucks.

This post originally appeared on Laura Mazza – Mum on the Run Facebook page.

Share your comments below.

Read more from Laura HERE on Facebook.

  • They really need to lift the judgement on this topic. Majority of mother would love to breastfeed but it isn’t always possible and I get so mad when I hear medical professionals to tell you to “keep trying”. Should I keep trying whilst my baby starves then? Whilst my nipples are infected? Whilst my supply is drying up?
    I was able to BF my first born but my second was a no go. Fed is always best. We try, but they need to stop being so bloody insensitive when we can’t.

    Reply

  • Not everyone can breastfeed – look back through the ages. These days there is formula and in the days before this happened their were wet nurses who fed your baby.

    Reply

  • They say that Mother’s milk is best but for those who can’t, there is formula and your health nurse will direct you to the right one for bub.

    Reply

  • Just because ‘everyone can breastfeed’ doesn’t mean everyone should.

    Reply

  • Thank-you for sharing this. I struggled to breastfeed my first and at 7 weeks ended up in hospital on iv antibiotics for 5 days. Hubby had bubs at home with my parents to help. I couldn’t hold him with canula in my arm and wanted him safe and settled at home.
    He had a battle from the start with tongue tie and took a month to get to birth weight. With the support of a friend I tried to supplement feed him formula and due to supply issues and stress was relieved in the end to dry up.
    With my second, I didn’t want history repeating and expressed colostrum pre-birth and then onto formula. I was ‘encouraged’ to feed in hospital and tried but didn’t feel right. My daughter as it happens also has a Lactose Intolerance and took us a fair bit of trial and error to get a happy bub (bloating and vomiting).
    Both mum and bubs Heath (physical and emotional) are important.

    Reply

  • If everyone could breast feed formula would have never been invented. Fed is best how ever bub gets a full belly is perfect

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  • I can relate big time to you. I had the same problem 30 years ago. Rest assured your children will grow up healthy anyway – mine did.

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  • You poor love. I was unable to breastfeed 17 years ago and yet I was forced, time and time again. My son’s head aggressively thrust to my breasts that would not do what they were supposed to. We tried again and again until my son was sucking blood. If not for ONE lovely midwife who told me to stop and use formula, I don’t know what I would have done. My son was starving. I was not able to feed him. Once on formula he thrived. I then suffered PND, with one of the reasons the trauma of trying to breastfeed my baby when I couldn’t and the judgement and trauma of midwives pressuring and forcing me to. You need to do what’s right for you, yet with our first, we trust these experts, these kind and caring midwives. I was lucky, that of all those that helped me, one of them was kind and supportive.

    Reply

  • People do whatever suits them and lifestyle

    Reply

  • Breast feeding can be a struggle for some mums. Get help if needed and never feel bad.


    • There is a lot of support out there for mums – regardless of breast or bottle.

    Reply

  • I could only breastfeed my son for 6 weeks as he wasn’t putting on any weight, they told me to formula feed, but no one told me you could do both.

    Reply

  • Just give a good crack at it, if all fails then you can pat yourself on the back for the hard effort then go on with the other alternative.

    Reply

  • Everyone can try and breastfeed but that doesn’t mean it will be successful.

    Reply

  • I think realistically it’s jst not going to work for everyone.

    Reply

  • Thank you. This was so needed when I had my first. Love the photo too.

    Reply

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