I remember saying to my husband when we first got pregnant that things CAN NOT change between us! That no matter how many kids we had, our relationship would always come first. We would always make time for each other. BUT then our baby was born…and EVERYTHING changed!

Almost ten years later and things are still one-hundred-percent centred around our kids. Quality couple time? What’s that? In the order of priority, our relationship limps in at about 50th place.

Kids Come First…No Matter What!

So on the list of things they don’t tell you about parenthood – number one would be that kids always come first (no matter what you say to convince yourself otherwise).

We chatted to dad-of-two Robert Boswell who came up with his own list of things they don’t tell you about parenthood.

1. Back to Bed!

You will spend about 25 minutes a night, sitting in darkness at the top of the stairs, waiting, primed and ready, for the moment they try to sneak out of their rooms to tell them to go back to bed.

2. I’m Going To Call Santa!

When they misbehave you absolutely will “phone Santa”…. Or batman, or the tooth fairy…dependant upon the time of year and the severity of the misbehaviour.

3. The Count

You never thought you would need it, but once you’ve used “the count” it’s the only way they will co-operate. One… Two…..

4. It’s All About The Kids

You will become that unbearable bore whose Facebook status is 99.9% photos of your wee ones… And that’s OK!

5. Yay! I Love Mondays!

Mondays used to be the day you hated but going into work after a weekend means only one thing…an uninterrupted visit to the toilet, which seems to be a spectator sport at home.

6. A Well-Rounded Breakfast Of Whatever Works

It’s 08:20, you need to have the kids out by 08:30, a chocolate brioche roll is definitely an appropriate breakfast for your kids!

7. I Want To Join In…For One Minute!

Your kids will definitely, absolutely 100% want to join you on your workout at home (Robert is a Les Mills fan!). They will confirm this 20 times before you start and then moan they are tired before the end of the warmup.

8. Dogs & Kids

You will spend half your time telling the puppy to stop jumping on the kids and to stop biting them, the other half of the time will be spent telling the kids to stop jumping on the puppy and to stop biting him.

9. It’s Awfully Quiet In Here?

If you haven’t been woken at 6am with the request for breakfast and their favourite TV show or with their butts in your face then you panic run to their room to ensure they aren’t dead.

Do you have any others to add to our list of things they don’t tell you about parenthood? Share in the comments below.

  • Yes this is all true l can’t remember how many times l have done the count down and there is nothing worse as a quiet child in there room when they normally aren’t


  • This is very true about real parenting.


  • Yes this is exactly how it happened


  • Live this read! Quiet is a night mare lol


  • I’m just quietly reading some articles then come to this one and I burst in laughter ???????? such a good read! I’m a mum of three boys and the Santa call definitely has been used a lot ????????????


  • This is so true.


  • Get used to a cold coffee


  • Lol too funny too true. The count doesn’t work yet for me, he just keeps doing what he’s doing and not listening lol.


  • OMG absolutely true. Parenthood hit me so hard.


  • “The count” doesn’t work they will count with you and find it hilarious haha
    Tv is ok to distract so you can have 5 bloody minutes to get dinner on or the dish washer unloaded.
    And my favourite, you will hide your secret chocolate stash in the weirdest places and wait until they go to bed to devour it.


  • Oh the awfully quiet one is definitely one to be cautious of lol


  • I never did “I’m going to call Santa”, neither “a breakfast of whatever”


  • Not as a parent but an older sibling who helped bring up the younger sibling I learnt to help out and had the issue of trying to be friends but at the same time set an example


  • Mostly yes, yes and yes. Especially 4 and 6!


  • Number 5! I am parenting tein turdlers and a 5 yr old solo, and by sunday night i am longing for an uninterrupted bathroom visit!


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