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Learning that one of our children is being bullied at school is something that we all dread as parents, yet it’s a sad fact of life for many of our kids.

According to the Bullying No Way campaign, one in four Year 4-9 students are bullied at least every few weeks in Australia.

Bullying today goes beyond mere schoolyard name-calling. It comes in many forms, from spreading nasty rumours online to harassment via texting. So what can you do as a parent to help your child work through this? Here are a few coping tips.

Dealing with cyber bullying

Students today not only have to deal with the traditional forms of bullying that we may remember from our own school days – cyber bullying is a new form of harassment to contend with.

Online bullying can happen anytime, even outside of school, which can leave children feeling unsafe and vulnerable.

It can take many forms, including the following:

  •          Sending cruel or abusive emails and text messages
  •          Posting nasty photos or comments on social media
  •          Imitating someone else online
  •          Excluding children from online social groups

To start with combating cyber bullying, it’s important to teach your children some basic rules of online safety. This includes keeping their passwords and personal details private and avoiding posting anything that they wouldn’t want others to know about.

So what can you do when your child is being bullied online? Strategies include blocking the sender and taking a screenshot of the evidence. Online platforms like Facebook and FourSquare bear some responsibility for nipping it in the bud.



Here’s a list of links where you can report abusive behaviour. Aside from this, you can also follow the suggestions below that also pertain to in-person bullying:

Understand why bullying happens

It’s easy to write off all bullies as monsters, but there are reasons why this behaviour is so common with young people.

Many bully their peers due to a lack of perceived power at home, low self-esteem, or other issues.

This report at bullyingstatistics.org lists a number of potential causes of bullying, ranging from a culture that glorifies violence to social and family issues. Bullying can start as early as preschool, with behaviour escalating in the teen years. While you don’t need to make excuses for playground bullies, trying to understand their motivation can help you work through the problem with your child.

Model assertive behaviour

One of the best things you can do for your child is to be a good role model at home; the way you behave in intimidating situations is something to think about. If you are easily pushed around by others and your child sees this, she won’t know how to assert herself either. Remember, she’s learning social skills at home. If you need help with learning how to be more assertive, qualifications like a diploma of counselling can give you a great set of skills to use and model.

Practice ways to be assertive

Practice this behaviour at home, with role-play situations. This will arm your child with some tools to use when bullies confront them. Teach your child how to say “no,” “stop that,” or “it’s my turn to play now.” Practice until your child feels confident and can stay calm.

Be aware of your child’s social skills

It’s unfair, but bullies tend to pick on the kids who maybe don’t have as many friends or don’t have the best social skills. You can build these skills from an early age, arranging playdates with other children and watching your child’s interaction. If you see areas where there is room for improvement, try role-playing again.

Emphasise that it’s ok to tell an adult

Ideally, when children are bullied they feel safe enough to tell an adult. However, this is not always the case.

Let your child know that it’s ok to walk away and tell a grownup if the situation gets too heated. Bullying can escalate if it’s not dealt with. Make it clear that you’re always available to talk, and get the teacher involved if necessary. But if your child wants a chance to work out it out without parental intervention, give them that chance first.

As a parent, it’s ok for you to speak to an adult as well. If there is an ongoing bullying situation that your child isn’t able to stop, you need to talk to the school to work out a solution.

Tell your child to keep a record of the bullying behaviour, so that you can pinpoint when and where it occurs. This will help your case should you need to get administrators involved. And if physical violence is either threatened online or carried out, it’s time to talk to the police.

Have you been through this with one of your children? How did you handle it? Please share in the comments below.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
  • I was taught to ignore bullies and tell a teacher. Not to engage and not react.

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  • Big sigh. We have definitely been through this with our son. I believe the root of all bullying is jealousy – of any or many things. My son was a victim for many years and we tried everything. Our son empathised, reported, we changed patterns for school drop off, etc. and made every effort to reduce his time with the bullies, met regularly with teachers, Principal, etc. And in the end, we had to remove our son from the school. They could not deal with it and were so disconnected an disjointed in their reporting, understanding and handling of things. Our son was distraught as was our family. But in the end we had to remove our son from the environment, even though he had done nothing wrong. And that was the hardest part for him to understand, and for us to explain. We live in a world where bullies are rewarded and victims are punished.

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  • Bullying sadly is not limited only to school and can continue all your lifetime so need to be prepared

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  • School time is tricky and only getting worse with these types of behaviour.

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  • My 16yr old faced a hard situation this year. She was part of a freind group and these ‘friends’ told her they no longer wanted to be friends anymore. After this they started to threaten to beat her up and targeted other friends of my daughter as well, this happened daily. Also the siblings were targeted, pushed around, followed etc. My daughter felt in danger and was home for 4wks and needed psychological help. We talked with the principal & school counselor but my daughter was afraid to give any names as the ex friends made clear that snitches would get stitches. In the end I was the snitch. The ex friends got a warning and conditions were set that when they would even look or stare at my daughter or touch her or the siblings with one finger, they would get expelled.

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  • I always think the most preventive way to stop bullying is firstly raising awareness of the problem and then administering consequences.
    Teaching teachers in schools on how to deal with bullying and help students when needed. Through positive social climate both the school body ie. teachers, principal, administrators and the parents can resolve and reach great results.

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  • My two year old experienced this first at our local TK Max whereby a little boy clearly older than her tried to threaten her with a toy sword. Lucky my mum and I were there to put a stop to it and told the child off.
    No idea where the parents were but obviously they don’t care too much about him so I’m not surprised about his behaviour wanting attention.
    The above points are all so great and love the link where you can report the bullying. My husband and I fear this the most for our kids when they start school but we are trying to teach them how to have thick skin.

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  • I would confront the parents!!!! If they don’t care I would take it further

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  • My babies are so kind and I’m terrified bullies at school will change that

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  • Bulling is really scaring me…so worry about my kids

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  • This is sadly becoming all too common. Thank you for the wonderful advice.

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  • I’ve told and emphasised to my son that it’s ok to walk away and tell an adult. This does become a bit tricky though when the adult either doesn’t believe your child’s version of events or gets conflicting stories


    • Yes that makes the issue very complex as often the bully denies

    Reply

  • I have been very lucky in the fact that right now my kids seem to have great supportive friendship groups. Bullying is definitely something I worry about in the future though.

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  • Great informative article thank you

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  • My son has issues one of which is he can not read how people treat him or say to him even if it is a direct statement. He thinks everyone is his best friend but they are not. Its heart breaking to see but when things happen, i just tell him yes this person is a friend but they are not your best friend so dont take what is said or what happens to heart. I also suggest he takes a ball to school the next day and ask different kid in the class if they want to play soccer. This really helps him make new friends. I just dont know what else to do.

    Reply

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