It’s pretty common for couples to disagree on a baby name, but what happens when one of them goes ahead with the name anyway?

This mum says she’s not sure if she’s in the wrong, after she gave her baby a name her husband didn’t agree to, when he was vulnerable and couldn’t object.

The 32-year-old first time mum and her husband Chris had their baby girl two months ago. She says they have similar taste in names and both agreed on Lara. But the middle name is where it all came unstuck.

“We found out a year ago that my sister Andrea had been diagnosed with cancer,” the mum explained.

“By the time I got pregnant she was already very sick. At 24 weeks pregnant, she passed away. We had not decided on a middle name at the time, but my husband wanted to give Lara his mother’s name, Jane, and he was set on it.

“After Andrea passed I wanted Lara’s middle name to be Andrea. He said he hated the name Andrea and it would make more sense to name her after her grandma than an aunt. This made me upset and I told him that his mother was alive and well, and I wanted to remember my sister. I brought up giving her two middle names and he didn’t want to do that either.”

When it came time for the birth, the couple still hadn’t settled on the middle name.

“Towards the end of the birthing process, the visuals were a bit too much for Chris and he passed out. So when the nurse asked what the name was, I said Lara Andrea. Once he was conscious again I told him that I put down Lara Andrea. He mumbled “fine”. I thought he was okay with Lara Andrea now, but now I realise he was trying to be nice because I just gave birth.

“Last month he brought up changing the name to Lara Jane. I said no because we had already named her, and I brought up doing two middle names again. He got mad at me and we’ve been arguing about this practically every day.

“He keeps calling her Lara Jane. He STILL doesn’t want to do double middle name. I feel our family and friends are biased because they either knew Andrea or know Jane. I feel like maybe I should’ve done a double middle name or put down Jane, and I’m wondering if I should change it.

“I feel like I might be in the wrong here for ignoring his opinion and taking advantage of the fact he was unconscious to choose the name I wanted.”

Who do you think is in the wrong? Leave your advice in the comments below. 

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  • That’s a tricky one. Perhaps both should have compromised on a double middle name.


  • I would opt for no middle name over a name that will always cause tension.


  • If you think it’s still going to be a problem, suggest again either a double middle name or leave it as it is. Hopefully you can get it all sorted out


  • Ooh, that was a bit sneaky. And it’s going to be an ongoing problem. I think you need/ed to go with a totally different name to Jane or Andrea. This will cause ongoing conflict as it is.


  • I can see both sides, but I would never do it in spite of my husband. Maybe a negotiation and compromise would have been better. You’re a team and should work together to come up with a solution that suits you both.


  • I can see both sides of this, but I feel what you did was wrong and I understand your hubby being angry


  • My brother was killed in a car accident and when I suggested to my husband to use his middle name, he was completely supportive and agreed, even though we could have used his fathers name who passed away. I think its concerning that your husband doesn’t understand the reason why you want to use your sisters name, he should be supportive of that and the connection you had with your sister. He is being very selfish. In your position, I wouldn’t have told him either and good on you for holding your ground.


  • Hi, I see both sides here, it happened to me, I had just given birth still in the delivery room my son was minutes old my husband said just stepping out for a few minutes, little did I know he rang all our friends and family and told them we had a Jesse ( our son) after I said maybe to the name. What could I do but I had a beautiful son named Jesse believe me I was angry but I got over it as I got to name my second son Jarrad, believe me shouldn’t be no anger just love those Beautiful Babies, believe me I have learnt doesn’t matter what the name is I wish I could have more babies but I can’t., and they grow up so so fast too, JUST love them.


  • Both parents need to agree. What you did was very sneaky and hurtful. It’s not worth it if it’s going to affect your relationship.


  • When I had my first daughter her first name was chosen and the 2nd name I combined 2 names together. I called her Maree. As 1 side of the family there was a Mary and the other side there was a Marie so I didn’t want to choose and upset either side. Maybe that could be a compromise


  • Could have had 2 middle names for sure. But middle names are hardly used, so I don’t think it will matter much


  • You agreed on the first name, which is most important. Sad that you can’t agree on middle, but will it really be used? Regardless, I don’t think it was OK to give a name while your husband was passed out, though get the emotions involved – giving birth and sister recently died. What would be fairest, if that’s your goal, is neither Andrea or Jane.


  • My daughter has 2 middle names on her birth certificate
    They are not over the top and are a compromise between my husband and I
    It’s not like our daughter will ever introduce herself with all names in any social situation it’s more what’s on paper and what it means to us which she will appreciate when she’s older


  • Have you legally registered it? If you have not, come to a decision together. It is his child too, though why he cannot deal with doing both l do not know. Perhaps the next child could be a Jane?


  • Lara Jane Andrea sounds lovely and would be a great compromise.

    He must be hurt about the way you named her, but that’s not official, that’s just the hospital, but then him deciding to call her his preference isn’t very mature either.

    I’d try to genuinely explore why he straight out disagrees with having two middle names. It’s an odd thing to get stuck on when it means both of your relatives are honoured.


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