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It’s news you normally can’t wait to share, but this mum has chosen to keep it from one very important person…

A mum-to-be has taken to parenting forum Mumsnet to ask if she is being unreasonable by keeping her pregnancy news from her in laws. While she is only 8 weeks into the pregnancy, the mum says she has never had the best relationship with her husband’s parents anyway and is enjoying keeping the news all to herself.

Never Seen Eye-To-Eye

The mum-to-be said that past experiences have contributed to her decision. “His parents annoy me at the best of times,” she said. “I’ve never particularly seen eye-to-eye with his mum as she has caused so many arguments between DH and I over the years. They are very self-centred and I don’t agree with their lifestyle. I am enjoying my pregnancy so much and am really enjoying the fact that it’s only us and my parents that know.” In describing her mother-in-law, the mum said that she is known for excessive drinking, being extremely manipulative and acting in her own self interest. “Luckily DH has now seen what she is like and we no longer argue and we tend to spend most of our time with my side of the family as a result,” she said.

A Difference Of Opinion

Despite her husband acknowledging his mother’s difficult personality, the mum-to-be said that her decision to keep the pregnancy from his parents has caused a rift between them. “I am 8 weeks so would like to hold off until our first scan to tell his parents but he is insisting that we tell them this week as we won’t see them again until the end of January (they live 2.5 hours away).” She went on to say that the decision to tell her parents first had been mutual and her feelings about announcing the pregnancy to his family were more than justified. “My intentions are not to deprive him of this experience, my concerns are with the mother-in-law.”

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While we think that no one should be made to announce their pregnancy until they feel ready, we think this mum has been a little insensitive to her husband’s feelings. Even though she has a difficult relationship with her in-laws, they are still her husband’s parents and asking him to keep the news a secret when her parents already know is not entirely fair. We only hope they work it out so that they can enjoy the pregnancy without lingering family issues…

Did you keep your pregnancy a secret from particular family members? Tell us in the comments!

 

 

  • It would be pretty upsetting as the mother in law finding out that you’ve been left out when the other grandparents knew earlier. However it is up to the parents on who to tell.

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  • I agree that this is completely up to the parents but she was obviously reaching out for help.
    They could always wait until 12 weeks to tell them and not let them know that the other parents know. That way no ones feelings get hurt and the mother can relax. I feel like,yes, the baby belongs to both parents but it can be a stressful and uncertain time, especially for a first time mother with so many hormones and feelings. She needs to feel stress free, especially in the early stages of her pregnancy

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  • It is very private information but there might be resentment

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  • It is of course everybody’s own decision but I do think that this is a bit unfair.
    I am a mother in law and a grandmother of 6 and I would be devastated if this had happened to me.
    I think it needs to an even playing field with treating both sides of the family the same. If it ever comes out that it was kept from them whilst her parents were told, it could have dire consequences.

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  • We kept our news to ourselves until we were 12 weeks with our first pregnancy. It’s nice to have a special secret and protects the prospective grandparents from the disappointment should a miscarriage occur.

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  • This is a tricky situation,because while the woman is physically carrying the baby, it belongs to both parents. Ultimately the decision should be unanimous. If he tells his parents, what are they going to say or do, especially s they live far away, that will hurt her feelings? And if they did hurt her feelings, then her husband might listen to her next time!

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  • It is entirely up to the parents who to tell and when to share their news. I would hope that people would respect whatever decision they make.

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  • My partner had an idea our third was coming but because of so many problems I didn’t even tell him till three months along and scans went well. So 4 months for family to find out.

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  • Such a tricky situation! Having challenging in-laws can really cause conflict in your marriage. I kind of think it’s respectful to let them know about the pregnancy but maybe your husband can help “guard” against unwelcome interactions from the in-laws by kindly asking them to respect the fact that you guys are wanting to establish your new family yourselves and will reach out if you want their input?

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  • When I was expecting 2nd time we kept it as a secret from my in laws with the permission of my husband because when I was expecting first time my mother in law told everyone without even asking us, and she even told her neighbors and her house maid and due to this we chose not to tell her the 2nd time. We kept it a secret until the baby is born and bcoz she lives overseas so we were successful in hiding such a big news.

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  • I think it’s no ones business but hers who she wants to know

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  • It’s her body – she can tell whoever she wants! I think it’s reasonable if his parents have caused her stress that she keep it for a little bit – until she is over the first trimester.

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  • I think if you tell one lot of parents it’s only fair to tell the others too if that’s the husband’s wishes

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  • I would wait till 12 weeks to tell everyone as 8 weeks is too early

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  • This is a tough one. I have been in this spot before.
    Sometimes the thought of others knowing, more so when they are not nice people causes more stress then need be. However i feel both mother and father have a right to tell who they want

    Reply

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