50 Comments

It’s news you normally can’t wait to share, but this mum has chosen to keep it from one very important person…

A mum-to-be has taken to parenting forum Mumsnet to ask if she is being unreasonable by keeping her pregnancy news from her in laws. While she is only 8 weeks into the pregnancy, the mum says she has never had the best relationship with her husband’s parents anyway and is enjoying keeping the news all to herself.

Never Seen Eye-To-Eye

The mum-to-be said that past experiences have contributed to her decision. “His parents annoy me at the best of times,” she said. “I’ve never particularly seen eye-to-eye with his mum as she has caused so many arguments between DH and I over the years. They are very self-centred and I don’t agree with their lifestyle. I am enjoying my pregnancy so much and am really enjoying the fact that it’s only us and my parents that know.” In describing her mother-in-law, the mum said that she is known for excessive drinking, being extremely manipulative and acting in her own self interest. “Luckily DH has now seen what she is like and we no longer argue and we tend to spend most of our time with my side of the family as a result,” she said.

A Difference Of Opinion

Despite her husband acknowledging his mother’s difficult personality, the mum-to-be said that her decision to keep the pregnancy from his parents has caused a rift between them. “I am 8 weeks so would like to hold off until our first scan to tell his parents but he is insisting that we tell them this week as we won’t see them again until the end of January (they live 2.5 hours away).” She went on to say that the decision to tell her parents first had been mutual and her feelings about announcing the pregnancy to his family were more than justified. “My intentions are not to deprive him of this experience, my concerns are with the mother-in-law.”

While we think that no one should be made to announce their pregnancy until they feel ready, we think this mum has been a little insensitive to her husband’s feelings. Even though she has a difficult relationship with her in-laws, they are still her husband’s parents and asking him to keep the news a secret when her parents already know is not entirely fair. We only hope they work it out so that they can enjoy the pregnancy without lingering family issues…

Did you keep your pregnancy a secret from particular family members? Tell us in the comments!

 

 

  • This is a tough one. I have been in this spot before.
    Sometimes the thought of others knowing, more so when they are not nice people causes more stress then need be. However i feel both mother and father have a right to tell who they want

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  • I think she is being a tad mean. It is hurtful not to tell her hubby;s mum it could just change the whole relationship.

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  • I didn’t tell till 12 weeks but after that I told them all
    If its causing a problem in her marriage then its not worth it

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  • I told my parents & MIL immediately we were over the moon, we did not tell anyone else until after 12 weeks though being the most critical time. I don’t personally agree with the decision but I can’t judge as I have no idea what they have been through.

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  • My last one i kept it a secret until about 18 weeks. I was going through i rough time, so the last thing i wanted to talk about was having anothet baby. Also i not long had another baby. So they were going to be close in ages. 15months to be exact. My last labour i had alot of complications, and i still suffer from it to this very day. Only my husband and myself knew about the pregnancy until i asked if i was pregnant as i was showing a bump.

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  • It’s his right to tell his own mum I think but I do understand her view

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  • This decision should be mutual and I guess if her parents know his should too

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  • Each to their own. However the decision should be mutual.

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  • It needs to be a mutual decision with her husband, or at least be discussed and he is ok with it

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  • I think it is up to the individual. I don’t see an issue with this.

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  • I only told my mum and my nan, we waited until I was almost 12 weeks to tell my husbands family this last pregnancy.

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  • We shared our pregnancy news with my Mum first and then my husband rang his parents. To our detriment. My in-laws have ruined every major event in our lives in some way and after trying for 4 years (2.5 on IVF), they then took it upon themselves to tell everyone… before we did and relished telling me that they had because my family knew. At this point, I told my hubby to keep his Dad away from me throughout my entire pregnancy. He is a narcissist and evil, abuse person and I was damned if we was going to create any undue or additional stress on me during my pregnancy. We are now estranged from them as they have proven time and time again that our son is a pawn, an object and they will not keep him safe.

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  • I completely understnd where she’s coming from – I have similar issues with my mother in law (and sister in law! who’s actually worse) and we didn’t tell them about my pregnancy until I was 3 months just to make sure it was all okay and well (they didn’t respond well but who gives a f*) at the end of the day its easier to tell your own parents when things go sour BUT in saying that she needs to stop thinking about her own feelings and compromise for her husbands sake, regardless of how difficult they may be, they will always be his mum and dad.. My mother in law was so horrible to the extent where she insulted my mum to my face. Honestly, I really hate them but put a smile on my face and ask them how they are when we visit for my husbands sake! sometimes you just need to let go and do what’s best for the sake of peace because lets face it… Thats your childs grandparents and you don’t want there to be family issues that your child is involved in.

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  • I kept the pregnancy to myself for as long as possible – too many misses before and too much heartache. It is up to the parent/s to decide when to tell, but having a rift with your husband is wrong for so many reasons.

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  • We didn’t tell our family for some time. As it was the first grandchild on both sides, we wanted to be sure things were ok first.

    Reply

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