A scenic beach photo, sent via mms from my husband. Admittedly it looks incredible. Such a beautiful day, perfect weather and magical time of the year. And part of me wants to text something snarky back. But I won’t. Because as the old saying goes: “if you’ve got nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”.
You see, it’s the weekend. I’ve got six little ones all to myself. Each needing something different. A little boy with brain damage having an epic meltdown because he can most likely feel my disappointment at the situation. And a little boy with severe autism asking when his daddy will be home.
All I keep thinking is – ‘that could have been our family at the beach.’ Instead of my husband and his best friend. My husband works weekends and this is the first time in forever that he’s had a weekend off.
For ten years I’ve had this talk. The one along the lines of “when you take holidays from work I want us to do things as a family, before you do things with your bff”… and clearly for the last ten years I’ve been doing it wrong, because it hasn’t happened once.
Not a single “date night”. Or even lunch together. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been to a restaurant with my husband over the last decade.
When these thoughts pop into my mind I always try to remind myself that many, many years ago the concept of “date night” simply did not exist. Yet families still got by just fine. It helps to take the sting out of the heartbreak.
Recently I’ve been pondering about what’s going to become of my husband’s priorities once his best mate settles down? After all, his best friend has been single for over the last ten years and he hasn’t had the opportunity to decline my husband’s excursion invitations due to his priorities changing and his partner becoming the main priority in his life.
Secretly I found myself deeply wishing for this bloke to find a life partner- to get married even… so that my husband would be forced to make his family his first priority.
I Need To Take Control
Then suddenly I realised that I can’t live my life waiting for someone to settle down so that I can reclaim my family! If it hasn’t happened by now it never will. And that’s perfectly fine because I have no control over another person. But at the same time, I don’t need to wait for my husband just so I can do things as a family with our children.
In fact, I don’t even need to wait for him to be able to enjoy “date night”. Surely if I loved myself, I would go out by myself and treat myself to something special.
Heck in the last ten years I’ve probably been to the nail salon a maximum of three times. Before I became a mother I was there once a week.
In fact, before I became a mother I took such wonderful care of myself. I saw to my needs myself. And I indulged in self-care frequently!
What’s changed now?
I probably require self-care now more than I did prior to becoming a mother. And if I don’t reclaim time for myself right now, then when will I…
Don’t Lose Sight Of Yourself
It’s important not to lose sight of yourself or your self worth. Just because you’ve possibly taken on extra roles as wife and mother, undertaking these responsibilities doesn’t mean that first and foremost you aren’t yourself any longer.
Losing sight of yourself, your needs, wants and desires can happen so easily once you take on these amazing life roles. But always remember it is not selfish to take care of yourself. “You can’t pour from an empty vessel” – so making sure your needs are met is imperative to the success of your entire family.
Never lose sight of yourself, because the way you treat yourself could potentially dictate how the people around you treat you- and once you’ve forgotten who you are, perhaps, so will they.
When was the last time you did something to take care of your needs? (tell us in the comments below).
If you can’t remember then maybe it’s time to reassess your priorities and put yourself at the very top of that list.