Recently I asked a question on the amazing Mouths Of Mums website. My mother is forcing my children to call her “Mummy” and I was curious to see how many other parents had similar experiences.
What I was after was relatable ordeals or ones reminding me that it’s just a name, that at the end of the day they’re all just titles but it’s how we treat each other that matters… something along those lines. Similarly to the way that my dad tries to console me over it, never failing to remind me to keep the peace and never letting me forget that there is nothing worse than upsetting my mother. Answers which wouldn’t necessarily solve the problem, but just help me to continue smoothing it over because I was losing my ability to continue doing that alone.
I was overwhelmed, to say the least, by the incredibly supportive and understanding people who commented on my question and provided me with an unbelievable amount of kindness, insight and guidance.
What struck me hardest and felt like a punch to the gut was a few people who got a sinister vibe from my question. It hadn’t even crossed my mind, but suddenly I was remembering growing up listening to my mother telling me that she “brought me into this world and she can take me out”- I was just a child.
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I should have drowned you at birth
Listening to her telling me how I was the worst thing that ever happened to her was the norm growing up as well as being told how badly she regretted not drowning me at birth.
With this in mind, it should come as no surprise that being taunted over suicide was common practice. She would suggest I hang myself and then perhaps out of sheer frustration tell me what a coward I am for not being capable of ending my own life.
The strange part is that she didn’t have to be mad to tell me these hurtful things. She always had me trapped exactly where she wanted. She was often just stating facts.
This is the type of character trying to get my children to call her “mummy”. I don’t believe there is any sinister ulterior motive in what she’s doing. It is odd especially after she chose the name ‘Grandmama’ for herself to then continuously revert to forcing the children to call her ‘Mummy’. I don’t feel in any sort of danger, but I do have a renewed sense of self after remembering all the cruel words growing up.
Her wish for my children to call her “Mummy” sounds even worse to me now somehow.
Throughout all of this, what impacted me most was the astounding support from absolute strangers. I mean it’s one thing to hear my friends tell me that my mother is out of line – they’ve always told me that she’s crazy. But something else entirely when unbiased people say that I am not simply being overly sensitive towards her.
Perhaps all she wants is to recreate what she destroyed, or maybe she just hates me that much that she wants nothing more than to take the joy of being called “Mummy” away from me.
I am worthy
I’ve got no clue what her reasoning is behind it, but what I do know is that moving forward I don’t need to cater to her feelings. I don’t need to stress about what may happen if I upset my mother. I am worthy of living a peaceful life and if it means that I have to hurt her feelings to do so, then so be it.
She had her chance, and despised it. She doesn’t get to try and make my little ones her second opportunity- or use them to boost her ego.
Thank you to everyone who gave me their time on that post, you made a world of difference to my life, and I am so grateful for the abundance of support!
You just never know the difference you can make to one person, or even the world, when you choose kindness, thank you!
What advice would you give to this mum? Tell us in the comments below.