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Recently I asked a question on the amazing Mouths Of Mums website. My mother is forcing my children to call her “Mummy” and I was curious to see how many other parents had similar experiences.

What I was after was relatable ordeals or ones reminding me that it’s just a name, that at the end of the day they’re all just titles but it’s how we treat each other that matters… something along those lines. Similarly to the way that my dad tries to console me over it, never failing to remind me to keep the peace and never letting me forget that there is nothing worse than upsetting my mother. Answers which wouldn’t necessarily solve the problem, but just help me to continue smoothing it over because I was losing my ability to continue doing that alone.

I was overwhelmed, to say the least, by the incredibly supportive and understanding people who commented on my question and provided me with an unbelievable amount of kindness, insight and guidance.

What struck me hardest and felt like a punch to the gut was a few people who got a sinister vibe from my question. It hadn’t even crossed my mind, but suddenly I was remembering growing up listening to my mother telling me that she “brought me into this world and she can take me out”- I was just a child.

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I should have drowned you at birth

Listening to her telling me how I was the worst thing that ever happened to her was the norm growing up as well as being told how badly she regretted not drowning me at birth.

With this in mind, it should come as no surprise that being taunted over suicide was common practice. She would suggest I hang myself and then perhaps out of sheer frustration tell me what a coward I am for not being capable of ending my own life.

The strange part is that she didn’t have to be mad to tell me these hurtful things. She always had me trapped exactly where she wanted. She was often just stating facts.

Cruel Words

This is the type of character trying to get my children to call her “mummy”. I don’t believe there is any sinister ulterior motive in what she’s doing. It is odd especially after she chose the name ‘Grandmama’ for herself to then continuously revert to forcing the children to call her ‘Mummy’. I don’t feel in any sort of danger, but I do have a renewed sense of self after remembering all the cruel words growing up.

Her wish for my children to call her “Mummy” sounds even worse to me now somehow.

Throughout all of this, what impacted me most was the astounding support from absolute strangers. I mean it’s one thing to hear my friends tell me that my mother is out of line – they’ve always told me that she’s crazy. But something else entirely when unbiased people say that I am not simply being overly sensitive towards her.

Perhaps all she wants is to recreate what she destroyed, or maybe she just hates me that much that she wants nothing more than to take the joy of being called “Mummy” away from me.

I am worthy

I’ve got no clue what her reasoning is behind it, but what I do know is that moving forward I don’t need to cater to her feelings. I don’t need to stress about what may happen if I upset my mother. I am worthy of living a peaceful life and if it means that I have to hurt her feelings to do so, then so be it.

She had her chance, and despised it. She doesn’t get to try and make my little ones her second opportunity- or use them to boost her ego.

Thank you to everyone who gave me their time on that post, you made a world of difference to my life, and I am so grateful for the abundance of support!

You just never know the difference you can make to one person, or even the world, when you choose kindness, thank you!

What advice would you give to this mum? Tell us in the comments below.

  • My comment to you is that your children KNOW you are their mum/mummy and would probably feel awkward around your mother, their grandmother, by her insisting they call her ‘mummy’ and it will drive them away from her. There is nothing you can do about it – she has manipulated her own demise with your children. It appears to me that she has been a manipulative type of person always – your father bows to her ways and she tried to get you to do the same. You have been strong and risen above her ways, and your children will do the same. I feel sure you and your family [children, husband and father] will go on to live wonderful loving lives, but your mother will be a lonely old lady who will hope other people will feel sorry for. Pity – but she did it to herself – and don’t you ever feel any responsibility for that!

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  • I congratulate you on being an amazing mum who can speak about such a toxic situation.
    Very glad to clear you have support and have chosen to live a peaceful life.

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  • The old adage, “we live and learn” . I’m so glad that you have been given the strength and support through this medium as it has shown you, she doesn’t have this power over you anymore.
    Bitter and twisted comes to mind, though name calling is an empty solution. Being proactive living a life that is about your values and building your family will be your true reward.

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  • I really hope that you decide to cut out this negative toxic person from your life. No child should ever be told any of this stuff. I’m so glad you have decided to stand your ground though

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  • I am so pleased you found courage and support through the Mums here – a terrible thing for you to have to deal with through the treatment and behaviour of your Mother ….

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  • I couldn’t believe it when I read your original post. I suppose I didn’t want to believe that a grandmother would be like that. It’s so great to hear of the other Mum’s encouraging words for you. I for one am glad that you never listened to your so called mother when you were growing up. Stay strong and move forward preferably away from your mother. Wish you all the best and take care of yourself and your family.

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  • I saw the original post and was shocked and disgusted at how a mother could treat her daughter that way! I’m so glad she found closure in our comments and support and is able to move forward!

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  • It’s never too late to recover. I’m 50 and have only just realised through therapy the role my mother has played in my life. I didn’t realise how bad it was, it was just my normal. I’ve now come to terms with it for what it was, realise my mum is a narcissist who needs the attention, that I was her supporter and protecter whilst she never did that for me. Only through therapy can I now feel at peace and let go, and be okay with it.


    • Yes, it’s never too late to recover ! Good on you rovermum !!

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  • I’m sorry you experienced such emotional abuse growing up, I hope you can get some peace in your heart and mind now

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  • Wow, just wow. How you still have this woman in your life is a testament to your character.

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  • Oh dear thus sounds terrible and a lot of childhood trauma I hope you’re able to work through now :(

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  • Doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship to be honest. I hope things can improve for you

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  • I also agree with mom462038.
    Sending wishes for better times for you and much love. xx

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  • So glad that things are settling down for you. No one needs that negativity in their life!

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  • I’m glad you felt supported by the comments and understanding on your previous post someonesmother !
    Your mums words and attitude have been cruel on the least and it amazes me you still let her have a part in your life. But I totally understand that these ties or cords are not easily cut and whether you do that or don’t it will go with feelings of hurt. However now you have your own family you have to protect them and yourself against her poisonous influence.
    The fact that your father never fails to remind you to keep the peace and never let you forget that there is nothing worse than upsetting your mother, shows how at this point can’t cut the ties with her and maybe never will. In a way he sounds afraid for her and for the conflicts she can cause and that is very sad.
    Bless you someonesmother, don’t hesitate to post again to seek support ! xx

    Reply

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