Finding out if you’re having a boy or a girl is usually a pretty exciting pregnancy milestone. But for some mums, gender disappointment adds a layer of guilt to an otherwise beautiful time.
One mum has revealed that after finding out she was having a boy, instead of another daughter, she’s been spiralling. She desperately wanted her daughter to have a sister close in age, and says she hates herself for ‘being so ungrateful’.
“I have the most wonderful two-year-old girl and she makes me so happy,” the expecting mum explained on Mumsnet. “My husband and I were desperate for another baby and when I got pregnant we were over the moon. I honestly thought I didn’t mind whether we had a boy or girl, and this week at the scan we found out it was a boy.”
Initially, she says she was thrilled to be getting a ‘pigeon pair’. But eventually that feeling began to wear off.
“At first I was overjoyed at how lucky we are to have one of each and that the baby is healthy (which of course is what matters), but as we drove home I started on a downward spiral … it suddenly dawned on me that the incredible experience I had with our girl might never happen again.
“Our girl won’t have a sister close in age to have loads in common with, they can’t share a room for very long (which would have helped hugely with bedrooms), and the beautiful names I had chosen for a girl weren’t to be (I just don’t love any boy names as much, and I let my husband choose the names for our two-year-old girl). I know having a boy is incredible too, I guess I just haven’t lived that yet and I’m sad I won’t have the girl experience again.
‘I hate myself’
The mum-of-one admits that she has always wanted two girls, and despite struggling to get pregnant, she can’t help her feelings.
“I feel so guilty feeling like this when I know I’m so lucky. We had to go through fertility treatment for both of my pregnancies so I hate myself for being so ungrateful, especially as we already have a girl and there is an innocent baby boy I should be excited to meet. Please don’t judge me – I didn’t even know I felt this way until after the scan and I can’t fight how I’m feeling.
“I always wanted to have a boy but maybe deep down I wanted two girls first (I know it’s silly as you can pick these things). I’m also processing that we might never have another girl and that’s hard. I worry that I won’t be a good mum to a boy too. Being a woman – I know girls but I don’t know boys. I felt such a connection when I found out I was having a girl last time, but I’m struggling to get that this time now I know it’s a boy.
“Please help me to get out of this mindset and be excited about having a boy. Will our daughter still play with him and can they share toys? Sorry I know it’s a sensitive topic – I’m just not thinking straight at the moment. I will love this boy so much – I just want to get through how I’m feeling now.”
What advice would you give this mum? Share your responses in the comments below.
We may get commissions for purchases made using links in this post. Learn more.
11:29 am
9:58 pm
7:37 pm
11:52 pm
9:33 pm
5:13 am
1:16 pm
1:07 pm
7:15 pm
11:13 am
11:05 am
10:08 am
10:00 am
8:38 am
7:50 am