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A mum has shared an emotional confession about her hidden gender disappointment, after finding out she was having another boy in front of family and friends.

Nicole Shamlin shared the video of her gender reveal, where she and her partner pop open colour cannons to reveal they’re having a little boy. The couple already has one son.

While in the video Nicole looks thrilled and throws her arms into the air before hugging her partner, inwardly she was crushed. The video then cuts to Nicole crying in bed, with the caption, ‘Me later that night grieving the fact that I’m not getting my baby girl just yet. How can I love another boy? Will he be replacing my first son? How can I love two sons?’

@nicoleshamlin #greenscreenvideo Gender disappointment is real. I only felt that way for a day. Now we are beyond excited and thankful.????????????VIDEO IDEA FROM @patricialeeann09 #genderdissapointment #boymom #genderreveal ♬ that way slowed – vibe sounds

The video attracted a huge amount of comments, some supportive of Nicole’s feelings and others appalled.

“This is sad,” wrote one mum. “I went through years of IVF. I was just thankful to have one live child. Healthy is what you should care about not the sex.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of mamas who would take that boy off your hands!! Also therapy works wonders,” added Chasity Moore.

‘Let’s talk about gender disappointment’

Despite the negative comments, hundreds of mums came to Nicole’s defence, and spoke of their own battle with gender disappointment.

It prompted the expecting mum to post a follow up video, explaining her feelings.

“Let’s talk about gender disappointment. Your feelings are valid. And just because you have gender disappointment, doesn’t mean you’re gonna love that child any less. When finding out that gender you may have that expectation of getting that girl or getting your boy.

“And when you don’t get that, it’s ok to grieve that loss. It’s ok to grieve that future that you’re not gonna get quite yet. It’s ok to feel the way you do. If you’ve never been through gender disappointment it may not be something you’re able to understand.

“But for us who have, know you’re not alone. It is normal, your feelings are valid and it only lasts a short period of time. I know it’s hard but it will get better.”

Did you have gender disappointment? How did you deal with it? Let us know in the comments below. 

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  • I did not have gender disappointment because I did not have a gender reveal party! I did not want to know the sex of my baby. I really can’t understand why these parties are so popular.

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  • I’m feeling conflicted about this one. I can see both sides. I do think those feelings of disappointment are 100% valid and okay. On the other hand we have been trying for a baby for almost three years and I have never been pregnant so I would just be grateful for a healthy baby and pregnancy.

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  • I am not sure gender reveal parties are necessarily helpful. Disappointment is a real thing and admitting that is a positive step but she should be thankful that she is growing a healthy baby regardless of the sex.

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  • I could never be disappointed with the sex of my child. Who knows they may change their gender later in life

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  • No, I didn’t. After 4 years of trying to have a baby via IVF I was just thankful to carry and deliver a healthy baby.

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  • I had two beautiful girls and no gender disappointment. It’s not something I actually gave much thought too. With two very different but equally traumatic pregnancies I was so thankful to have healthy babies,

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  • Selfish really.. I also don’t agree with gender reveals.. just my opinion though.

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  • That’s sad. I’m glad it lasted only one day for her.

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  • It is a natural feeling that one gets over in the fullness of time and you will still love the baby unconditionally. I was in hospital once with a lady who was giving birth to her 6th daughter and so desperately wanted a son for her husband. They called their little girl Peta as she was sure she wouldn’t be having any more.


    • Yes, my mum had 5 daughters and desperately would have loved a son for my dad too. However my dad was so happy and proud with his 5 daughters :)

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  • It is a bit of a disappointment at first but then when you actually see that first movement and hear that your baby is healthy, that disappointment goes back to where it belongs. I’m sure a father is the same when wishing for a boy and finds out they’re having a girl instead. It never means you’ll love your new baby any less. I’m not trying to make it sound trivial but the only way to explain how I felt is to compare it to a game you’re going to watch. You want your team to win but they lose. It’s till your team and the passion is still there.

    Reply

  • I was disappointed that I was having another boys but that disappointment quickly went away after 2 minutes as I was very happy my baby was healthy and progressing well. But I do agree your not going to love the baby any less.

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  • While i can appreciate this mother sharing her feelings, i think a kind reminder that she should be grateful for the gift of being pregnant again. After my 1st son we lost 3 babies to miscarriage, some of us don’t get a second chance at creating life again or giving our 1st child a sibling.
    Is gender really that big of an issue if you get to have a healthy baby?

    Reply

  • I was convinced my second was going to be a boy and was pretty shocked ( and yes a bit sad) when I found out she was a girl as we were only going to have two kids but I just kept telling myself how lucky I was to have two healthy kids. When she was born I was instantly besotted with her and the whole gender thing didn’t even cross my mind… ……. Having said that we did go on to have a third and it was a boy so maybe we weren’t completely over hoping???

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  • I did not feel any gender disappointment when I found out we were having girls. I don’t think I would have felt any if I found out we were having boys either. I was pretty happy to have a couple of healthy bubs after having a couple of miscarriages

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  • We did not find out the gender of our baby and kept it a surprise for us all. I was however convinced by several that I was going to have a boy, in the end I was very shocked when my doctor announced that it was a girl. I was prepared either way as I just wanted a healthy baby no matter what. I was just so grateful.

    Reply

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