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A pregnant mum-of-three says gender disappointment should be normalised, after she shared her heartbreaking reaction to discovering she was having her fourth boy.

Ellen Bailey uploaded a gender reveal video to Instagram, where she and her husband used a cake to find out whether they were having their fourth son, or their first daughter.

And Ellen wasn’t able to hide her disappointment when the cake turned out to be blue.

“Firstly I want to say that as you can probably tell by my immediate reaction, yes I was disappointed and yes I was hoping for a girl,” Ellen, who is due in August, explained in the caption.

“In all honesty, I’ve always wanted a little girl, to braid her hair and take her to dance. I just always thought I’d be a girl mama.

“However, this DOES NOT at all take away from how grateful I am for our boys or how much I love them. Nor does it change or take away from how much this little bub is wanted, needed and loved. I am grateful and blessed that after a few scares this little bubba is happy and healthy.

“I know it doesn’t seem right for me to be upset as at least I’m having another baby. After experiencing a miscarriage in October I fully understand why so many people say just be happy it’s healthy. And trust me I am!”

But Ellen wanted to explain why she felt the way she did, when she realised her dream of having a little girl wasn’t coming true.

“It’s on my heart to shed a little light and to normalise that gender disappointment is real…
If you’ve experienced this like me, know that you’re not alone.”

“Remember we all deal with and experience things differently, don’t compare yourself to others or think your not a good mama if you’ve ever had these thoughts. It DOES NOT mean you love your little one less or anything like that!

“You are grieving a part of your life and experiences you always thought or assumed you’d get to have. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel the emotions you need to feel and grieve if that’s what you need.”

Her candid confession was met with supportive comments from other mums who have also dealt with gender disappointment.

“I wish we didn’t have to explain ourselves like this,” one mum commented. “When I found out I was having my third (and final) boy I was DEVASTATED!!! It doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids. Heck I did IVF to have all 3. My third is a year and a half and I still feel devastated I won’t ever have a daughter.”

“Oh Mama, my heart aches for you. It’s SO normal to feel that disappointment. It’s a whole lifetime of how you thought things may be. Doesn’t mean you love them any less,” commented another mum.

Did you have gender disappointment? Feel free to share in the comments below. 

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  • Just wow. Her feelings are totally valid, I don’t understand the need to overshare EVERYTHING online these days. I really hope that 4th baby never sees this video, I know if it was me I would feel like my own mother didn’t want me. How sad.

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  • I hope the child doesn’t see the video.

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  • I think more people experience this then we think but are just too scared to speak up.

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  • I completely understand the let down feeling you can get but it all changes once that Baby is growing and you get to see them. Just as precious, every Baby.

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  • I get it as I was a little disheartened to have a boy instead of a girl but that was quickly changed and a stupid thought of mine back then. I’m grateful for a healthy baby which should be any mother’s first thought. Deleting the video would be next to ensure the new bub doesn’t see it when they’re older.

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  • There’s nothing wrong with hoping for a girl (or boy) but posting that video online means that it’s there forever and one day her son might find it and be upset. No matter how many times she tells him she loves him and is glad she’s a boy mum he’ll remember her reaction on the video. If you know you’ll be upset if it’s not the gender you’re hoping for find out in private.

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  • Don’t feel like you need to explain yourself to us. We had 2 boys and I now have a wonderful Grandson and a Great grandson plus 3 beautiful Granddaughters. But I also have a Daughter-in-Law with a beautiful soul and a Grand Daughter-in-law who is also special.

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  • This is why I don’t like gender reveals. I just longed for a healthy baby.


    • I don’t like gender reveals either.
      At the moment you do into a pregnancy hoping and expecting a certain gender, there is already something ‘wrong’…it’s not how it works

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  • I think it is quite normal to feel intensely if you’ve been looking forward to something, even it was imaginary – in this case a particular gender. Most people feel it, process it, and go on to love whatever child they have. No problem.

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  • Pregnant with number 2 at the moment. 1st was a girl, we waited until birth to find out the gender which we loved! Will be doing that again. Part of me thinks it would be cool to have one of each gender, but after already having a girl i must say i feel like it would be easier having another girl, both me and the father are 100% happy either way. All her cousins have been boys so far (3) so it seems like people really are more commonly having more of the same gender and i would be more suprised if i had a boy than a girl.

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  • As a mum to 3 boys, gender disapppintment is real. For me it was only for the moment I found out then it was all about the positives. May all who wish to be parents are granted this blessing.

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  • I totally understand gender disappointment BUT I don’t think it should be videod/ widely shared etc. I know I wouldn’t want to my child growing up and seeing a bideo of me looking disappointed when I found out their gender.

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  • not me,, but i know others who have

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  • Our feelings are relative to our own experiences, right?
    Gender disappointment doesn’t get discounted just because she could have a baby and someone else couldn’t. That’s not how it works.
    As a mum of six boys and one girl, I’ve experienced disappointment too. Does it mean I loved my child less? No. But I did grieve a little for a little girl I so wanted to have. It passes. But in that moment, our feelings are valid.

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  • I\’ve never been able to have a baby and that is the greatest disappointment. Maybe if you didn\’t know the baby\’s gender until his/birth, you won\’t have to go through such a disappointment. Instead, your emotions will be focusing on rejoicing in being able to give birth to a healthy baby. Hopefully your new son won\’t ever have to know how disappointed his mum was because he wasn\’t a girl.


    • Bless you, I can imagine that’s even a bigger disappointment

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  • I can understand feeling a little disappointed, but I’m sure it’ll turn into a blessing

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  • My mum who birthed 5 girls had so hoped for a boy for my dad. My dad however didn’t mind to have 5 girls and took great pride in us

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  • It DOES mean you love your son less. It means the child was an accessory, not a human being.

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  • I feel for her. I’m not into gender reveals, I love the old fashioned surprise for both parents in the moment.


    • I agree; after a lot of hard birthing the surprises were wonderful.

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  • Gender disappointed is real.amd her feelings were valid. And she’s explained them.and shares them and moved through them wonderfully.

    Reply

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