The mother and daughter relationship is always special; especially when to be a successful mother your ultimate goal is separation.
Unfortunately, some mothers and daughters never seem able to transition their relationship from an adult mother/ young daughter
into an authentic adult mother /adult daughter relationship.
The letting go of your baby (no matter what age she is) is not easy from a Mum’s perspective and may be a reason why many daughters have challenges with their mums:
- Mum tries to parent me.
- Mum can be overly critical.
- Mum can be very demanding.
Whilst from a mums’ perspective:
- My daughter doesn’t listen to me.
- My daughter seems to make poor choices.
- My daughter never has any time for me.
I am sure these cries sound very familiar especially if you are both a mum and a daughter. Whether you’re a grandmother, mother or daughter, 17 or 77; I am sure you can always make improvements when it comes to your mother and daughter relationships.
If you are looking for ways to create a loving, respectful relationship with your mother and/or daughter I recommend the following six steps:
Spend 1-on-1 quality time together
In today’s time poor era, at times this may not be easy, though the first requirement in developing any relationship is getting to know each other. We do that by spending time together, getting to know what each other’s passions and inspirations are.
Listen to each other
By this I mean really listen when they are talking, don’t sit there thinking of what your answer will be. Take time to empathise, with what they are sharing. Ask questions. Repeat what you have just heard, in case you may have misinterpreted what they were sharing with you.
Connect on an authentic and honest basis
Remember you have been connected since day one, always come from that loving place. Share honestly, the other person may initially be taken a back, although once they reflect on your courage for being so open and honest, they will embrace your comments and lifestyle.
Release the need for blame and guilt
We only really have the present, this is our gift (hence why it’s called the present). We can’t change the past and we can only predict the future. So stay present in every conversation. Of course we can learn from the past, though there is no need to continually bring up something that happened when someone was in a learning phase of their life. We will always grow more from a perceived negative, so look at the growth that happened and stop the blame game.
Laugh, sing, hug and dance together.
All of these are Oxytocin boosting. Oxytocin is a natural hormone in our body and is called many things including the love hormone, and bonding hormone. Oxytocin is released when we give birth and the reason why we have instant bond between mother and child. Try to make every connection an Oxytocin one as opposed to an over adrenalised one. If you require a visual image remember this; a dolphin is full of Oxytocin and a Shark is full of Adrenalin. Pretty easy to figure out the best way to live your life!
Honour the fact that we are all unique individuals
Respect and honour each other to know that just because we have shared DNA, that does not mean we are going to be alike. Come together on a basis of wanting the best for each other, not wanting to make them into a carbon copies of you. We all have dreams and aspirations, so respects them enough to encourage them to fulfill their own unique dreams and aspirations.
It is never too early or too late to have a loving relationship with your mother or daughter. Remember we really only have the PRESENT, so start to introduce these principles into every encounter and you will be amazed at how quickly your relationship moves to the next level.
Actually, follow these steps with every interaction, no matter what the relationship you have with them, every day.
And guess what, the world will start to change, we will all start to have more love, gratitude, appreciation, fulfillment and harmony in our lives.
Cheers to that!