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I’m reading the third article on judgy Mums in as many weeks, and I can’t help but think that what we’re dealing with goes much deeper than we realise.

We are not dealing with a crisis of judgemental Mums.

We are dealing with a crisis of confidence in our parenting.

Everyone has an opinion on how to parent. And thank goodness – because that’s our right as parents.

Breast or bottle. Childcare or stay-at-home. Vaccination or no vaccination. Smack or no smack. Disposable or cloth nappies.


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We all make different choices. And we choose based on what feels like the best decision for our family.

But when we decide to put our choices out there – be it through an article, story, question, comment or photo on Facebook – we are leaving ourselves open to the opinions of anyone who takes the time to look at it.

Decades ago we only had our immediate friends to judge us. And if we didn’t like their attitude, we’d just stop calling them or hide in the bedroom when they came knocking at the door.

Now, technology allows us to make more friends than ever before (and from anywhere in the world). But it amplifies the “judgement” because we have umpteen more friends and we’re sharing our lives on public sites that make escaping them very difficult.

It’s the nature of the social media beast.



Parenting is an emotional thing. We’re constantly making choices for the wellbeing of someone else, and hoping that what we do helps to mould a healthy and well-adjusted adult.

We’re so unsure of ourselves, that we have started to let the views of others impact our every decision. And this is really dangerous, because here’s the one thing I do know for sure about parenting…

No one knows what’s right.

You can find equally compelling evidence from “experts” on just about anything you decide on for your child. But once you make a decision to go either way, the only person’s opinion who counts is your own.

You need to back yourself, and have confidence in the decisions you make.

If you have made a decision to send your child to daycare, you don’t need to explain it to anyone. If you ask whether you should send your child to daycare, accept the very varied opinions you are going to receive.

If someone offers an opinion without having been asked for it? Smile and nod. Change the subject. Don’t waste your time explaining yourself or defending your decisions. Because the second you feel that you need to, is the second you are not really defending them to someone else – you are defending them to yourself.

We all know the old adage – “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.”

And it’s true…but a different opinion is not necessarily “unkind”. It’s just different. Swearing and attacking someone personally – now that’s unkind. It takes a new kind of strong person to deal with that on social media.

But a different opinion is just different. “If it were me…”, “I cannot see the benefit”, “I would never”, “I don’t know how you could”…

So what? That’s their opinion. And the only way you are going to be affected by it, is if you’re not completely sure about your decision in the first place.

Social media is very rarely the place to find comfort and reassurance in our decisions as parents. Occasionally we get it. But we should never seek it. And when we don’t get it, we can’t blame others for making us “feel” a certain way. You can only feel that way if you are not confident in your own choices.

Back yourself.

No one else is going to.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
  • Well done, that had to be said. Far too much judgement and not nearly enough supporting goes on between mum’s. We’re all in this together, trying to do the very best we can with no rule book or user manual.

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  • I certainly back myself and the decisions u make for my family. It is my family after all!

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  • So true! I think with a myriad articles, stories and self-help books around it just gets confusing and actually becomes more stressful. This information is also being pushed to us through our newsfeeds and social media outlets so it’s difficult to avoid reading about the ‘top 10 things you must stop now or ruin your child for life’! Just when you think you have a parenting strategy you’re happy with, new ‘research’ is released saying how that style of parenting is going to raise the next generation of criminal offender’s or something of the like. I wish life was simpler and resembled that of my own childhood a bit more! I might go Google “how to recreate an 80s childhood”…


    • oh lol that is cool. 80 and 90’s was the good decades for music

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  • Your two last sentences sum it up perfectly.

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  • I think if it works for you then Don’t worry about others!
    & if it does for fr you, it doesn’t mean it will be the same for everyone!

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  • great to read all these here

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  • Really interesting article. It’s all about having the confidence to know that you’re parenting in the best way you know how.

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  • yes! no one knows the perfect parenting formula

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  • Interesting read. Some very valid points. Thank you for sharing :-)

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  • There are only a few factors that you should use to judge your skills as a parent, they include the happiness & health of your kids…nothing else matters!

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  • love reading these

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  • YES! 14 years ago I had my first baby and while drowning in parenting “how to” books I found one piece of advice that, even now on baby number 3, I have held onto and shared a million times over…
    “No matter what you do 50% of the people around you will disagree”
    I am not a perfect parent but I am great, passionate mother!

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  • This was a great read. I’m going to take your suggestion and try not to defend my parenting choices to people. Wish me luck!

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  • thumbs up to this article. totally agree

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  • it is really great to read

    Reply

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