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One mum’s honest childbirth post goes viral.

British blogger Bekki Pope, who writes over at Mummy Mumbles, shared her list of “20 things to know when you’ve just pushed out a baby” on Facebook last month —  it’s been shared more than 80,000 times and has received over 113,000 reactions so far.

Her raw and honest post covers all aspects of the post-childbirth experience from the first shower and poop to hospital food and farts.

She writes:

1. The after pains. Pain. After. Who knew? When God designed women to give birth, he well and truly screwed us over….

2. Your first wee. Take a jug with you and pour it over your bits like you’re trying to be a star in some very disturbing porno. It helps.

3.. Your first poo. Do not panic. You are not having another baby. It just feels that way. But just remember the size of the thing you pushed out of the front bit, and the prospect of pushing out what’s in the back bit won’t be quite so daunting. Your bum is not falling out. Or it might be. If you have piles. Which you probably do…

4. Your baby looks weird. Like… Really weird. ‘Oh how cute/such a beautiful baby’ etc will be said at you and you’ll accept other people’s opinions, but to you it looks like a hairless slightly purple old grandad with dried blood and skin stuck to its wrinkly face.

5. Their downstairs bits are ridiculous. You will worry about the impact they will have on their lives should they stay like that. Boys little nuggets are the size of whole walnut whips, but their willies are the size of the walnuts on the top that nobody wants. Apparently this ‘swelling’ goes down soon. If it doesn’t, expect ‘big bollocks’ to be part of your sons school nickname.


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6. Their first poo is not actually poo. It’s tar. The midwives sneak in over night, fill your baby’s nappy with treacle and then test you to see if you know to get rid of it, or to see if you decide to take one look at it and start googling ‘why do nappies come pre-filled with marmite?’

7. Your first shower will be like a scene from Carrie. It’s normal. It may feel like you’ll never be right again and that you’ll walk like John Wayne forever, and you might, but you’ll feel so much better for the shower. You’re literally washing away your sins. (If the baby was born out of wedlock anyway….)

17. Everything’s angry. Your brain is angry, your eyes are angry, your tummy, your bladder, your bum. Your vagina isn’t angry. It’s f@&king livid. Give it a while to calm down but right now, you and she ain’t friends…

20. Stop worrying. You’re not superwoman. There is no such thing as normal, and there is no such thing as perfect. You are your baby’s normal. You are your baby’s perfect. They aren’t judging you. They are completely reliant on you and being responsible for another human being is not a piece of cake. It’s a piece of ‘oh my god I can’t do this’.

You can. And everyday will get easier. Breath mummy.
You just grew and pushed out a mini Mitchell brother. There’s nothing you can’t do.
Except sleep.
You can’t do that anymore.

Read her full post below…

She has also followed up with “20 things to know the day after you push out a baby.”

Sounds familiar to me. How about you?
Share your comments below.

More related content:

The new birthing trend sparking concern
Blogger shares: “Why I touched myself during labour”
“I Slept Through Childbirth”

 

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  • Ha! Very good.

    Reply

  • Very true account. I can relate to most.

    Reply

  • Number 6. The nurse changed my niece’s first nappy after she had been silly enough to put her gloved finger in the nappy and it promptly split. lol
    She said she gets caught with changing the first nappy quite often.

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  • We have all been there, we just haven’t shared it with the masses. Don’t read if you are pregnant for the first time!

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  • Brought back memories I’d prefer to forget but I was laughing nonetheless.

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  • I loved hearing an honest version of what it’s like to give birth. I laughed and felt sympathy at the same time.

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  • This is fantastic. I often hear, and asked myself, “why didn’t you tell me how bad it was”? Ooh, and the stitches. Horrible. Terrible. Painful.

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  • Yes I think this article is very relatable, well said.

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  • Lol I love this! It’s so true !!! Had to giggle bout the you can do anything……. But sleep you can’t do that !! Sooooo true esp with my second !

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  • The after pains. With each baby they got stronger for me and breastfeeding felt like I was in labor all over again.

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  • This made me smile :)

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  • My experience was very different to this.

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  • Haha love it #17

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  • Very funny, yes I definitely agree with the Carrie bit, you do lose a lot of blood and for days, and chunks too! All worth it though!

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  • John Wayne indeed! and it’s worse 2nd time around. Hilarious and true

    Reply

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